Lessons Learned: What My Mother Taught Me

My parents had the most volatile relationship. It was as unhealthy as unhealthy can be. My mother had attachment issues, she didn’t believe she could survive on her own, so even when my father cheated on her in her face,  and pummeled her with blows, she kept ‘loving’ him. She repeatedly forgave him, they made up, had a great relationship for two and a half days, and then back to square one. One day he pointed his shotgun at her in a drunken rage, and he pulled the trigger. He called my aunt to tell her, “Your sister’s brains are all over my couch.”

Island Girl, UK

What I learned from my mom: if you smoke packs of cigarettes a day, spanning years, your lungs will give up.

My mother was a chain smoker. Since my childhood, I saw her smoke cigarette after cigarette. She smoked way into my adulthood. And then she developed lung cancer. She couldn’t even make it to my wedding, she was too weak with chemotherapy to stand or sit. A week after my wedding she died. She was only fifty-three. She did not get to meet her incredible grandchildren.

Shaunie, USA

I have learnt a whole life from my mother. I have learnt how to build a home and build up a family in the Lord. I have learnt to always move by faith even when I don’t have the means , I should just take a step further and things will catch up and yes it always does.

Dumeh, Ghana

I learned from my mother that the best way to create discord, separation and disunity amongst one’s children is to compare them relentlessly against each other. And the best way to raise assholes is to tolerate their bullying and disrespect.

My mother had her favorites among her six children. Three could do no wrong and the other three, Lord were we demons in her eyes. “Look at your sister, look at your brother, be like him, be like her.” That is how she created tension and competition and hatred. Two of my siblings haven’t spoken in decades. In her old age, she laments the lack of unity and how we don’t bother to help each other.

“Those who criticize this generation forgets who raised it.”

Oshew_Heat, Ghana

My mother taught me the importance of creating memories.

She made sure to create memories with me and my brother when we were young. And it wasn’t anything costly. We created simple family times and traditions. For example she always read to us when we were little. When we got older and could read on our own, she created a time on Saturday nights when she would read to us. We called it a Saturday night special and it was always a lovely time. Even our father made time to come and listen. My mother is late, but those intentional memories, they live on!

Darling, Ghana

My mom said to me, “Live your life for the experiences, do not always chase the money – if the money was meant to come, it will come eventually. You are not in competition with anybody.”

I was chasing a career and hardly had any time for anything. It took me quite some time before I fully understood the message. It helped me to look differently on my priorities and reduced the pressure I used to put on myself and my career, to a much healthier level. I am now happier and more balanced.

Asana, Nigeria

My mom is an eccentric, irreverent woman. She says whatever is on her mind and does things her own way. 

She taught me to never be encumbered by society’s expectations, norms and double standards. Her favorite words to me were, “Stop giving phucks about opinions that don’t write your paycheck.”

I finally began to listen and practice this and my life is simpler and happier.

Paris, Australia

 My mother has no filter. She tells all her business, especially to me. Some of her ‘business’ have softly traumatized me. So I’ve learned to zip my mouth and not be like her.

Once she visited me, and was helping me clean my house. As we laid a sheet on my bed she blurted out, “You know I love you Dad but I don’t like when he comes in my mouth.”

Like Mom, what the hell? I could not get that image out of my mind’s eye for months!

Tripp, Canada

I learned from my mother that a good healthy amount of sex is good for the brain and a marriage.

When I got married, my mother called my husband and I and said, “My only advice, a lot of healthy doses of sex! That’s how I kept your Daddy.”

I tried it, it works! Sixteen great years of marriage.

Asanteba, Ghana.

To Be Continued.