A Chat With A Self-Proclaimed Sidechick

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sidechic sidechick application — Sidechic Photo provided by Canva for illustration only

Introductions with Catriona the sidechick:

Misskorang: Thank you for agreeing to this zoom call to give us insight in the world of a sidechick. I don’t want to use your real name. What shall I call you?

Catriona: Call me Catriona

MissKorang: That’s quite a beautiful name. Does it have a meaning?

Catriona: Yes. It means purity.

Misskorang: Purity huh? Girlllll, you have a cheeky sense of humor. And by the way you are gorgeous

Catriona: Thank you

MissKorang: Just so we’re clear, you won’t get judgment from me. Just curiosity and questions I believe my audience would have asked had they been in my position.

Catriona: I understand and I wouldn’t have messaged you and agreed to this if I didn’t feel you’d be respectful and neutral. I like what you do.

MissKorang: What is your level of education?

Catriona: I have a master’s degree in International Relations

MissKorang: Can you give me a synopsis of the trajectory of your life? How did you get here, where you’re a well-educated sidechick?

Catriona: I was born and raised in the Ashanti Region. Asante-Akim to be precise. My mother had me before she married my step-father who happens to be the only father I’ve had and known. I am the first of three girls.

MissKorang: How would you describe your childhood? Was it happy and gratifying?

Catriona: It was horrible. My mother tried her best for us. But my stepfather was very abusive and domineering. And we were always so poor. Stepfather was a watchman at PWD at the time, and he farmed too. In his poverty, he married two more women in addition to my mother.

MissKorang: How did he provide for three families?

Catriona: He didn’t. His only duty was lord over us with husbandship and fathership.

MissKorang: How did you, your mom and sisters survive?

Catriona: My mother did every menial job under the sun; back breaking work, just so we could eat. And she fed my stepfather too, and worshiped him like a god. It infuriated me and still does to this day.

MissKorang: Did you ever have a relationship with your biological father?

Catriona: I met him once at my paternal grandfather’s funeral. That’s it! I don’t know him.

MissKorang: Who paid your way through school?

Catriona: My maternal uncle. He paid for my basic and secondary education. And he always reminded me my mother had thrown her life away for a loser (my stepfather). When I finished secondary school, he died.

The Road To Side Chick Business: How Do You Put In A Sidechick Application?

MissKorang: Can you tell me your first foray into the sidechick business?

Catriona: I passed my WASSCE with flying colors. I mean my lowest grade was a C. But my uncle was dead, and there was no one to help. My mother made arrangements for me to learn hairdressing, it was the best she could do. But I resisted, argued and flatly refused. Nothing upset me more than having to call a woman ‘master’ because that’s how everyone called her. So I stayed home for three years even though I’d passed well. It was a very miserable time for me. Then one day I was running an errand when a man approached me.

MissKorang: Who was he and what did he want?

Catriona: Well, he was a former teacher in a boy’s school in Kumasi (name withheld). But at the time I met him, he had resigned from teaching and was into the cocoa buying business. Long story short he wanted me to be his girlfriend. His wife and kids lived in Kumasi and he was on his own in our town doing his cocoa business. He lived close to our house so I ran into him a lot after the first time we met. At first I wasn’t really interested because I was just praying and looking forward to an avenue to continue schooling.

MissKorang: But you finally agreed. What changed your mind?

Catriona: Poverty. Poverty did. After he kept trying to convince me to no avail, he one day said, “You know I can give you anything you want right?”

So I said, “I want you to help me get admission to Legon. That’s what I want.”

He was taken aback. I think he thought I was going to ask for yogurt and tea-bread.

MissKorang: Yogurt and what?

Catriona: Tea bread.

Both MissKorang and Catriona: Hahahahaahahahahaha

MissKorang: Hmmm so those were your terms or should I say your sidechick application requirements. So he helped you? How old were you then?

Catriona: I was 20 by then. Well at first he said I should come spend the night with him and discuss school. But I wasn’t anybody’s fool, so I told him to buy admission forms first. When he realized I wasn’t going to budge, he bought the forms. And the day DO gave me the forms and helped me complete it, I let him take my virginity.

MissKorang: Do you remember how you felt giving yourself to him?

Catriona: I felt like unlike my mother, I hadn’t thrown my life away. I was getting something in exchange for giving myself. Even DO said I was the smartest girl he’d ever met. I think he liked me a lot, because he came home to tell my mother he was prepared to help me through school.

MissKorang: What did our mother say? Did she know he was married? How old was DO?

Catriona: DO was in his mid forties. As for my mother, she was just grateful and thanked him. Even though she never asked me, I think she suspected he was married; but she never asked me, she looked the other way.

MissKorang: Did DO see you through school?

Catriona: Up to third year. And then I broke up with him.

MissKorang: Why did you break up with him?

Catriona: He was obsessed with me. And he was beginning to be domineering and controlling. He had a whole family, and still wanted to treat me like I was his wife. And besides, I had met a police officer, he was a big deal, so I leveled up.

MissKorang: How did DO take it?

Catriona: Not well. But I wasn’t the woman who’d pledged for better or for worse to him so (shrugs shoulders).

MissKorang: So Mr. Police continued paying for your education from there? Was he also married?

Catriona: Yes. And yes. He was higher up in the force. Important enough to help me get some great gigs as an intern in some dope government agencies. But I dated him for only a year because his wife called to threaten me.

MissKorang: You used the man to complete school and found an excuse in his wife to dump him. Wrong?

Catriona: Right. They use me, I use them. I have done some ruthless shit to get ahead, and I cannot say I’m sorry. I learned very early that no one was coming to save me, so I saved myself.

MisKorang: How old are you now?

Catriona: 35

MissKorang: Have you had any relationship where you were not a sidechick? Like a normal relationship with someone your age?

Catriona: Yes I have tried that. And I can unequivocally tell you I have no patience for the immature shenanigans and the horseplay. I mean you can’t be broke and a douchebag all at once.

MissKorang: What is the longest relationship you’ve been in and with who?

Catriona: I met an ambassador through the job the policeman found for me after I graduated school. I have been with him since 2018. He sponsored my Master’s degree.

MissKorang: I suppose he’s married too:

Catriona: Yes he is.

MissKorang: Are you perhaps in love with him, you know 5 years is a long time.

Catriona: I’m not in love. But I enjoy him. He’s a gentleman, he’s kind, he knows how to make me feel good as a woman. And I never feel unsafe with him.

MissKorang: How do you keep from getting emotionally involved? How do you stay emotionally detached from your Sugar Daddy?

Catriona: Let me answer that by asking you a question of my own. You have a vibrant social media page, and I see you interact with your followers well. How do you keep from getting emotionally attached to your top engagers? If someone comments all the time, and you suddenly don’t see them again, how do you deal with that?

MissKorang: I wonder about them for a while and then I move on

Catriona: Do you eventually connect with others?

MissKorang: Absolutely!

Catriona: Yeah, so same for me. They are all dispensable to me. I treat them well while it lasts, and I know from the onset that it is not “Till death do us part” so I don’t go catching feelings. I catch the money.

MissKorang: Do you have any personal rules for your sugar-daddy/ sugar-baby relationships?

Catriona: Yes I have given myself a code of conduct

MissKorang: Give me your top three.

Catriona: 1. Don’t get pregnant. 2. Don’t go anywhere near the main chick. 3. Leave absolutely no traces.

MissKorang: What do you suppose you’re giving your Sugar Daddy that his wife isn’t?

Catriona: Good question! I butter him up! I treat him like a king, and the attention he gets from a young woman flatters him. I am intentional about letting him know I see him and I want him. I am in the gym everyday of the week, I keep the punani tight! I do things to him I know his wife won’t do, both in and out of bed. I buy him little silly gifts, and whenever he requests to meet, I put effort into looking gooodt!

MissKorang: Do you think you’re his only sidechic?

Catriona: Don’t know, don’t care.

MissKorang: Is he your only dude?

Catriona: For now, yeah. I really don’t have time to juggle multiple men.

Sidechick, Are You A Prostitute:

MissKorang: Do you suppose sidechick is a sanitized name for prostitute?

Catriona: Define prostitute

MissKorang: According to Merriam Webster Dictionary: to offer for sexual intercourse in exchange for pay

Catriona: And how does Merriam Webster define those girls who meet a guy, fall in love, give free sex, get dumped. Find another, fall in love again, free sex, dumped. And another, and another?

MissKorang: Uhhhhh I don’t know

Catriona: Exactly. Merriam Webster is so shocked she hasn’t defined those idiots. I’d rather be called a harlot than be undefined. I do not dole out my company for free, I make sure to get well compensated. Let the holy people slave over their unfaithful husbands.

MissKorang: I see a lot of comparison and judgment from you for other women who’ve chosen a different lifestyle. Why?

Catriona: They think they’re morally superior. They’re not. My chosen sin is different. It doesn’t make them saints though.

MissKorang: Do you believe in God and do you think about your soul and your relationship with God.

Catriona: I believe in God. I have a prophet who prays for me all the time. Was a harlot not in Jesus’s lineage? Let God judge me (shrugs).

MissKorang: How do you protect your sexual health since your Daddy has at least one more sexual partner?

Catriona: Condoms are a sidechick’s best friend.

MissKorang: Do you ever get lonely? You know when your Daddy is with his family and you need someone to share something with, do you wish you had someone who was dedicated to you?

Catriona: Sometimes yeah. But I need to keep my eyes on the prize. Some married couples live apart for long periods of time, they survive. So (shrugs)

MissKorang: What is the prize? What is your end game? Because you’re now well educated and gainfully employed. When does this stop?

Catriona: The prize is to see my sisters through school, and uproot the poverty from my family.

MissKorang: What is your net worth?

Catriona: Hahahaha, that I won’t tell. But I have my own house. I have cars. I have built a nice two bedroom house for my mother. And I do have a safety net.

MissKorang: Do you ever want to marry and have a family of your own?

Catriona: Maybe someday. It will happen when it happens. I am not opposed to that.

MissKorang: So if you find your hubby has a sidechic?

Catriona: I was wondering when this question would come. Do you know women like me make the best wives? I am not afraid of competition, bring it on! I am thirsty anyway, so bring on the rain!

MissKorang: You didn’t answer the question.

Catriona: I will cross that bridge when I get there. But I can tell you this, I will never let the other woman see me sweat.

MissKorang: Any parting words before we go?

Catriona: Stop blaming sidechics and hold your husbands responsible.

MissKorang: Mic drop! Thanks so much for indulging me.

Catriona: You are welcome Miss.

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