The Chauvin guilty verdict. I watched intently as judge Peter A. Cahill pronounced former officer Derek Chauvin’s guilty verdict, second-degree unintentional murder, third-degree murder and second-degree manslaughter; guilty, guilty, guilty.
“Good!” I muttered to myself.
Accountability. George Floyd’s family deserved at least that, after the torture he endured and died from. A man who was murdered in broad daylight, whose gruesome murder had been filmed for the world to see, and yet defense team had done everything to discredit him, and blame his death on any and everything but the knee on his neck. They even said George Floyd had died because “his heart was too big.” Well here sat Derek Chauvin, guilty of murder because his heart is too small maybe? How about that?
“Good!” I muttered again.
A Guilty Verdict
And then I waited for the feeling. A feeling that will never come. I didn’t exactly know what I was expecting to feel in that moment, all I knew was that whatever emotions I felt after the Chauvin guilty verdict was quite underwhelming. I was very surprised at myself when I felt a profound sadness when Chauvin was cuffed and led away. Hands cuffed behind him, just as George Floyd had been, and no longer the knee-on-neck all powerful officer, I could see he had scribbled something in his palm in black ink. Was it a prayer? Maybe an apology? I now know it was his attorney’s telephone number. Alive and given his day in court, he certainly intended to keep fighting, while Floyd’s life had been cut short without mercy.
What was I hoping to feel? I couldn’t pinpoint then, but now, after a day of pondering I think I know what I wanted to feel. I wanted to feel the exact opposite of everything I felt when I first saw that infamous video. The exact opposite of the fear that gripped me on my young family’s behalf, the opposite of the blinding anger and anxiety I had felt. I was hoping I would un-flinch, because I flinched the day I saw Floyd call his Mama under the officer’s knee, and I have been flinching since. That video for me and many others who look like me was a poignant, deliberate reminder, “you are a Black person in America, don’t forget it and know your place,” and that day Floyd’s place had been under a knee. Flinch.
I haven’t unflinched because, I am an optimist, not a fool. That one Chauvin guilty verdict is not magically going to right all the wrongs of a minority population that is someway, somehow, ‘organically’ killed by police, more than any other race, year after year. I still flinch because I have seen all the others who were killed during and after Chauvin’s trial. Duante Wright, killed in the same city as Floyd because an officer mistook a gun for a taser. And then there is Breonna Taylor, Rayshard Brooks, Jacob Blake, Ma’Khia Bryant, Anthony J. Thompson Jr. who was shot and killed by police officers in the restroom of Austin-East Magnet High School in Knoxville, Tenn., whom police claimed had shot at them but later said had not. And the list could go on, unfortunately.
Chauvin’s guilty verdict is important for Black people, who have too often been reminded of the disposability of black lives the eyes of America’s criminal justice system, what it isn’t is justice for every victim of police brutality. It is accountability for the Floyd family and for America. I see the verdict as an exception not the rule; Chauvin’s guilty verdict came because the evidence was overwhelmingly unambiguous – the offense so undeniably horrendous and public in its form. The jurors saw what the world saw, and there was no denying the depravity of the whole act. Not every victim is blessed with unambiguity, a camera, traumatized, eloquent witnesses or a willing prosecutor. So yes, I have grown a cynical bone or two.
The Chauvin guilty verdict does signal hope and may be a catalyst to spur on those working to bring a more long-lasting kind of justice to keep pressing on.
But right now what do we say to our children, with whom we had already discussed George Floyd and the mass protests of last summer? We don’t intend to weave a fantasy or lie, neither are we going to leave the loose ends untied, so as advised, we let them lead with their questions.
“Do you remember the man the police officer hurt and the protests?”
“Yes. The video you didn’t let us watch that made you cry?”
“Well yes. That man sitting there was the officer and he’s been found guilty of hurting the man.”
“What does guilty mean?”
“It means the court believes what he did was very wrong and so they may send him to prison.”
“So he’s going to prison?”
“I think he might. Yes.”
“For three thousand years infinity?”
“Not three thousand years. He won’t live that long anyway.”
“So how long?”
“Maybe forty.”
“Is that enough?”
“No punishment will be enough for what he did, but at least he and others like him will get the message that they are accountable for their actions.”
“So then others like him will stop hurting people?”
“It may scare them a little bit, and make them consider their actions. It is also a very good signal of hope for marginalized people. But there is more work to be done to make sure everyone is treated fairly. Remember slavery? Many people thought it will never end, but it did. Also segregation, do you remember we read about segregation?”
“Yes. Black people had separate water fountains from white people. Also separate schools.”
“Good. Many people thought segregation wouldn’t end but it did. So we know this too will stop at some point. So any questions?”
“Should I still show my hands when the police stop me?”
“Oh absolutely! You do the entire drill! Yes!”
So we go over our drill, when the police stops you:
I show my hands. I say my name. I tell my age. And I say, “ I don’t have anything that can hurt you, to put them at ease.” I do as they say. Then I contact you or Dad as soon as possible.”
“Yes. And remember to not run. Never run. It is very bad to run from the police, a very bad, disrespectful thing to do.” What I refused to tell my nine year old is, “that is how you get shot in the back.”
I’m retelling this painful experience to say, “if you’re a parent in the same soup as me, and have had to have difficult conversations, I see you, I feel your pain. And if you haven’t had the conversations yet, I hope you find some inspiration here to do so. And also if you have never had the need to do a police encounter drill, I hope you recognize the immense privilege that is and don’t take it for granted.”
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I think it’s always important to talk to our kids about everything. Otherwise, their view could get manipulated by people that are bad influences.
I agree. Else others could push their narratives on them and not necessarily be considerate of the child’s feelings or opinions.
This is such a hard conversation to have, and yet you’ve given a great example of how to have it. I hope we can continue to move in the right direction for equality and justice. <3
Yes it is hard to find the right words to discuss the important role of law enforcement and at the same time find the right way to advise caution, especially to black boys. Because let’s face it, sugarcoating things could be dangerous for them. So my approach is to tell them the truth and advise them to be respectful of all police officers. My goal is to keep them alive.
Thank you for sharing. I hope we as a society continue to move in a better, more inclusive, and understanding direction.
I hope for the time parents like me won’t have to do a ‘police encounter drill’.
Such a powerful post. We need to teach our children about the injustice in this world so they can fight it themselves when the time comes.
True. We can only create change through community efforts. We all have to come together and fight the rot.
Great insight to sharing right and wrong with our children! Just because someone is older or wears badge does not mean they are right! I was absolutely relieved for the guilty verdict!
It was a relief too for me. Especially seeing the men in blue testify for the prosecution, it was a relief to see the police force take a stand.
I just went to see Les Misérables and it was so thought provoking on justice and mercy. This play reminds me of this situation as well as personal conviction of right and wrong.
If only we will stop excusing wrongs with all sorts of excuses. If only we will all admit our biases and work on them…
I hope we can all work on respecting each other’s right to live.
Thank you for sharing your personal reactions to such an important topic. And for your willingness to show by example how to address such a difficult conversation with kids. It breaks my heart we live in a country where you have to have these conversations. We have so much work to do.
We do have work to do. And as a mom watching my 9 year old boy get bigger and taller and begin to fit the stereotype of a ‘big black man”, I have no choice but to talk about a lot of difficult things.
It is so sad that these situations exist in the first place. His behaviour smears the reputations of all officers who actually do good in this world. And I definitely agree, we need to have open and frank conversations with our kids. If they can’t come to us for an explanation, I would hate fro them to find answers from the media.
Exactly. I try to shape their perspectives with some basic truths and encourage them to think for themselves. Especially since for us, the issue of race, racial discrimination and police brutality strikes a lot of fear and emotion.
So many good points made in this post. I can’t imagine what a challenging conversation this is to have with your kids. I pray everyday that situations like this will stop happening.
I hope we’ll get there too. To that place where we can all work together for the safety and human dignity of everyone, black, white, blue, brown.
I can only imagine how it would feel to have to worry about your children in this manner. I’ve never seen the video of George Floyd, I can’t watch videos where people die, but I am so thankful for this ruling and this outcome. I truly hope this is leading to serious systemic change. It is time, it has been time and we are overdue for this change! Thank you for sharing such an important and emotional family discussion.
Yes it is heart wrenching but necessary to talk to children about staying safe and respecting the law and law enforcement. It is time for change, time to put systems in place that respect and protect the lives of citizens regardless of their race and social status and also protects our men and women in blue.
I’m so glad the court found him guilty.
Thank you for this. It is such an important issue.
Thank you Cindy. It is an important issue and I hope to keep educating myself and educating my children and circle of influence. We need the police, so we have to find a way to all live together in harmony, respecting each other’s lives.
Such a hard conversation that you handled so well. This verdict is just one decision headed in the right direction. I pray one day police encounter drills are never needed.
It is especially hard, to find the words to tell a child to be wary of people who are supposed to protect and serve them. Balancing some realities and truths with what should actually be is hard, especially for discussions with kids.
Wow. This post is so powerful. As a mother with three young children, I thought long and hard about how to talk about this with them. We talked with the kids about the protests, about why it happened (in terms age-appropriate.) And the whole situation was upsetting to all of us. Like you, I thought “good” after the verdict. And I cried. Tears of release I think. But there wasn’t relief. Because there’s still so much work to do. Praying we keep going in the right direction.
Hopefully, this is the point where we begin t are a hard look at our systems and make the necessary changes to protect and serve everybody, blue, black, brown, white…
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for reading.
It’s a horrible thing and unfortunately a part of this sinful world. Thank you for finding courage and wisdom to talk to your kids about it.
A broken world. Yes. May God give us all the grace to find forgiveness and love for each other. This after all is a Christian Country.
There are so many hard things to discuss with our children these days. Thank you for putting this into words for all of us and the courage to share.
Yes Christy. So many! I just recently saw a mom and dad talk about their son’s impulsive suicide and then it hit me, I have to discuss suicide too! So many things! But we need to be courageous in talking to them because the world won spare them even if we think we can.
It’s hard to know how to prepare children for interactions with people they should be able to trust and for those that won’t believe them if they come forward about racial issues. As an adult, it’s excruciating and exhausting when some people won’t even acknowledge there’s an issue.
Yes. The deniers of racism and racial discrimination make it exceptionally hard. But that doesn’t stop me from telling my truth.
There are some who still say George Floyd got what came to him.
I recognize the immense privilege of not needing to have the police drill conversation with my kids. We had the conversation about what this verdict meant. I wish it meant more, but I am relieved we took one tiny step in the right direction. I understand that this verdict doesn’t write the wrongs for George Floyd’s family and definitely not for so many that never got any justice at all. One tiny step.
One tiny step, and sometimes it is all that we need, a crack in the door to push through. I believe we will get there.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I am glad he was held accountable, and pray that any kind of violence would end!
I pray the violence will end too, for both the people in blue and the communities they serve.
I understand the underwhelming feeling you had after the verdict was read. We expect the guilty verdict to make things right, but that wrong can never be righted. The guilty verdict will never bring the victim back, but at least it’s a step in the right direction.
I surprised myself, thinking I was going to get the kind of relief I expected. But yes a step in the right direction.
Thank you for sharing your honest, vulnerable, and beautiful thoughts on this guilty verdict and how you were able to lovingly share this with your child. It’s so important to have these conversations with our children when terrible events like these occur.
I try to be honest with my kids. It is hard but important. Hopefully we can all be able to educate ourselves and be able to have appropriate conversations that allow for honesty, fairness and promotes action.
One bad egg in every group or organization can be found from churches, to non-profits, to teaching, to the corporate world…The importance of backing the blue is paramount. Our newest trending culture of not supporting law enforcement will lead to “the good ones” not entering this field of work…who would want to enter a field unsupported by the public. This leads to more lawlessness being tolerated. We need to be careful for what we wish for… It is a dangerous movement for society to lump all into one pot in any field of work. That’s another good conversation to have with our kids.
I am not anti-law enforcement, neither is this post meant to be. I however do not have the luxury of not talking about an obvious pattern for fear of smearing ‘good apples’.
My previous post on discussing racism and racial discrimination with black children said this:
…There are great people too, in all professions. There are many good cops who will treat everyone with empathy and the respect they deserve; they won’t target you for your racial identity. But like snakes, since you don’t have the expertise to know which is which, be wary of all of them.
Here is that post https://misskorang.com/racism-and-racial-discrimination-the-talk-a-black-mothers-son/
I hope too Barbara, that when you do have your conversations of the dangers of lumping all together and not supporting the blue, that you’ll remember to talk about how curious it is that these ‘bad apples’ often target black, brown and poor people, because that too is a good conversation to have.
When I do have discussion about ‘bad and good apples’ this is how it will go in child appropriate language:
“The whole damn tree is rotten but it manages to bear good fruits which is an exceptionally great feat. So yeah be wary and respectful, to stay alive”
What a powerful and important post. I was relieved too, by the guilty verdict. And now, as you wrote, may this be a catalyst for change. It’s a beginning…not an end. I love your perspective that other injustices in history did come to an end. That gives me hope.