I Mistook My Wife's Mental Health Issues For Laziness And She Attempted Suicide

They induced Lira, and they sent me home to bring something to dress the baby in. It took her hours to deliver our stillborn angel, but they refused to do a c-section, they let her deliver her.

They let me see the baby. My goodness she was Lira, with a full head of hair. They dressed her in a pink frilly dress and hat, my choice.

Lira wanted to see her, she cried and begged, but the nurses and doctors said no. Her mother and mine both advised her to listen to the professionals. They took our baby away. And eventually they sent Lira home with antibiotics. No one said anything about possible mental health issues.

My mother and mother-in-law stayed with us for a while, helping nurse Lira back to health and making sure we were good. But eventually life had to go on, our mothers left, we had to keep going.

It had been a year. Life had to go on, or so I thought. Except Lira wasn’t ready, or maybe she really just couldn’t. She was moody, and short tempered, and she rarely left our house except to go to work. But eventually, she made so many excuses and quit working. And all she did was sleep. The house chores were undone, she rarely bathed, rarely took care of herself. And she appeared to hate the sight of me. So yeah we were not intimate for months and months. We became strangers. I picked up the slack as best as I could.

 Right before my eyes, the queen I’d married became a different person; she became the opposite of the woman I’d married, a shell of herself. In my mind, she was lazy, unkempt, uncouth and just sluggish and dirty. No one or nothing prompted me to think about mental health issues.

I was too ashamed to tell anyone. If anyone asked how we were, I simply said, “Fine.”

Our closest friends, I told we were going through some marital strife. I did not want to tell anyone that my wife rarely took baths.

When it became unbearable, I called her mother.

Whoever said ignorance is bliss is a fucking ignorant idiot. Ignorance is a killer disease! Me and her mother both were ignorant as hell!

Lira’s mother came on a Friday, she cleaned and cooked. And she made her daughter get a haircut and take a bath. And then she gave her a long, self-righteous lecture. She (my mother-in-law) talked about what a dutiful wife she had been to her late husband, and what a mother she had been to her kids, and how she kept going strong after the death of her husband. On and on the chastising went. Lira did not say a word, she sat there and listened, poker-faced.

My mother in law left on Sunday evening. By Monday morning when I was readying for work, Lira had a gleam in her eye I hadn’t seen in months, and she very clearly couldn’t wait for me to leave the house. I was hopeful and suspicious at the same time, so instead of driving to work, I circled around the neighborhood, parked the car a few blocks away and walked home.

I entered the house through the backdoor. It was quiet, as it had been in the past couple of months.

I took off my shoes and tiptoed through to our bedroom.

The sight that greeted me is a nightmare I am still working to overcome.

There on the ceiling fan, in a noose, swinging to and fro and gagging was my wife.

All I remember is pulling her makeup chair to stand on and hold her legs, and screaming like a maniac for neighbors to come. 

Everything else is a blur, I do not remember. My therapist says sometimes the brain creates selective amnesia to protect us from the trauma we may not be able to handle.

Lira was diagnosed with clinical depression, which likely stemmed from the grueling labor and stillbirth of our first child. And also from idiots like me telling her to suck it up and keep going.

She tried to end her life. She had mental health issues. She was mentally ill. What she needed was a diagnosis and treatment, not judgment and prayers. We all failed her, and yet we all loved her.

Why do we sweep our pain and trauma under the carpet and refuse to talk about it? Why do we demonize people who have a hard time adjusting? Because really, what measure of health is it to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society?

My wife went through dedicated treatment and therapy. Medication, therapy sessions, counseling, honesty, healthy communication and a loving community of family and friends have helped her and me come out of the woods. We are traveling again, she is running her own thriving business, and we run together every morning. She is smiling and laughing again, she is challenging me again, and she is heeding professional advice.

I can say my wife is on the mend.

What about you, your friends and your family? Have you sat anyone down recently and really asked, “How are you doing?”

Editor’s Note

If you or anyone you know is having thoughts of self-harm please reach out to professionals for help. And if you are having a hard time, talk about it!!

You can be helped.