Ask Kosivi: To Beat Testicular Cancer, He Chose Death Over Losing His Testicles

The doctors said the only way to fighting this cancer was via surgery; radical inguinal orchiectomy. They would remove both his testicles and follow it with chemotherapy to kill off any remaining cancerous cells in his lymph nodes. For cosmetic purposes, they said they would give him silicon replacements for his balls.

The doctors were certain of about ninety percent success rate. My husband would have his life back, without his balls. But my husband said no. After more consultations and more doctors and much more dialogue, he refused the surgery. He did not want to live without his beloved testicles. The biggest side effect of radical inguinal orchiectomy is inability to produce enough testosterone, without testicles, a man cannot make enough testosterone, which can decrease sex drive and affect his ability to have erections. And the chemo to kill off any remaining cancer cells had its own implications for his manhood.

So he said, “HELL NO!!”

He told me, “I would rather die a man than live in a confused state between a man, woman and a prepubescent boy.” And so he chose his balls over his life. And he found one of those cronies on radio who tell people all kinds of diseases can be cured with carrot juice and shaved cabbage. They did their treatment with natural herbs, and it seemed to work for a while. The vitamins from those concoctions sustained his body for a while, but it also sustained the cancer cells and helped it grow faster and spread!

And by the time he realized he needed the surgery, it was late. The surgery wouldn’t have helped, most of his organs were cancerous too; the testicular cancer had infected his entire body. And now four years after the initial diagnosis, my husband is in an induced coma. A shell of the man I had known. But his balls are intact. And just as he predicted, he is about to die with them. So that is how I am preparing to say goodbye to my best friend of four decades. He chose his two balls over me. I am so angry! And I am sad and confused. I love that man, and he loved his balls! This testicular cancer didn’t have to kill him, he let it!

So I guess all my ranting and raging is to ask what is it with men and their penis and testicles? What is the connection between your egos and your reproductive organ? Help me understand because my womanhood does not depend entirely on my vagina and ovaries. Why?

Kosivi Says:

It’s sad your husband has to choose this path rather than live for his family. Indeed there are men (especially from our part of the world) who believe that the pride of a man is dependent on his manhood. Most men believe that they have no business doing being alive if their manhood is non-functional. 

I don’t know who your husband’s advisers are but I don’t know how issues are handled within your nuclear family: but I think you could have tried using a trusted family member to try to influence him into doing the surgery but I guess at this stage it’s too late. 

It’s unfortunate he chose to die than to live for his family. Just brace yourself for the worst and pray for healing from God. Life comes to us at different stages. Although at this point nothing can be done medically but I trust the only miracle now is hope against hope. But come what may, may God see your family through this difficult times.

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