Thank you for a platform to vent out and to learn also .I am with this amazing man . We have a son together . I must say he is a great dad and supportive of my financial independence. He is an old fashioned man, with entrenched viewpoints. The thing I have against him is this feminine/masculine role thing that has been fed into him for God knows how long. He feels once he’s taking care of the bills and everything monetary, I solely have to take care of all domestic chores.
I have really gone through it to get him to be at a pass mark, with threats, sweet talks and all the finessing I could muster. The greater burden falls on me though, but it’s at I point I can manage. I understand he has his entrenched views and old fashioned ways, but I also have expectations of him.
His younger brother came visiting. I served him fufu and palmnut soup in the dining area. He later said his goodbyes and left . Kosi, this man washed his hands in the bowls after eating with the leftover bones and all . I felt very disrespected. I however cleaned up. When his brother came back from town, I lightly told him that his brother did something I didn’t like so he should please tell him not to repeat it. I however didn’t state his exact crime.
Some weeks later it has happened again. This time around I narrated it all to my man citing the previous time too. And he being an old fashioned man, found nothing wrong with what his brother did. Yep my old fashioned man and his old fashioned gender roles at play. We’ve gone back and forth with it yet he still thinks it’s not a big deal because his brother is also my husband . I am really disappointed he didn’t see my point of view.
Is this something I can handle and how? Cleaning up after him most times and now his family? How do I do it? Or I am being petty? If I am at fault, I really want to learn and get past this and if not, how do I address this so it’s settled so we move on. Or I should just leave the entire relationship? I don’t know. So many thoughts running through my head right now.
Kosivi Says:
The little things in every relationship and marriage if not dealt with early enough becomes the same things that aggravate into big things that creates big problems in relationships and eventually kills it.
I actually don’t know the age of your brother in law, but if he is a matured guy, I’m not sure it will be prudent to expect him go wash his dishes after eating.
However, if he’s in his teens or early twenties, you can ask him to please help you wash his dishes after eating. And I strongly believe it’s important you and your brother Inlaw have a very good relationship so you are able to communicate issues like this to him without making it a big deal.
And I don’t know how you set your table but I think it must come with a side plate and a hand washing basin. If you don’t set your table like that, then please look at that too.
But if you do, politely teach him about table manners. And this can be done in a conversation form.
But sincerely, try and build a very good relationship with your brother in law such that you’re able to seek his assistance and also communicate your house rules to him when necessary.
This shouldn’t break your home. Perhaps your boyfriend equally doesn’t know certain things and you would have to teach him. Make your point and stance clear without fear or intimidation. If you fear your husband; you have no marriage.
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Help keep my stories free! Do you shop on AliExpress? Kindly Click here to support me. I am an AliExpress Associate so when you click my link and shop, I may earn a small commission at no cost to you. And that is how I keep my stories free.
At MissKorang we strive to bring you life stories that teach timeless life lessons and, some of those stories, like this one, are real life stories submitted by our readers and shared with their permission. Identifying attributes are edited out to protect our contributors’ privacy.Can you leave your thoughts with these kind people in the comments? If you want to send us your experience, email us at submissions@misskorang.com. Or submit using this anonymous form. Please do not reproduce any part of this content without permission from us. Our stories contain affiliate links. When you click and make a purchase, we may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.
At MissKorang we strive to bring you life stories that teach timeless life lessons and, some of those stories, like this one, are real life stories submitted by our readers and shared with their permission. Identifying attributes are edited out to protect our contributors’ privacy.Can you leave your thoughts with these kind people in the comments? If you want to send us your experience, email us at submissions@misskorang.com. Or submit using this anonymous form. Please do not reproduce any part of this content without permission from us. Our stories contain affiliate links. When you click and make a purchase, we may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.
