My Toxic Boyfriend Tried To Push Me Into Drug Trafficking

Things became so bad that my father sent me to live with my aunt. Life in my aunt’s home was fine, I had a normal four years there until my father died. Because my father wasn’t alive to remit her money for my upkeep, I became a nuisance to my aunt. And she let me see and know I was a nuisance. But I will hand this to her, in all the abuse and disrespect, she let me stay in her home and she saw to it that I got an education.

By the time I gained admission to University of Lagos to study chemical engineering, my older half brother was in a good position to take financial responsibility for me. He paid my tuition and my upkeep. He spoiled me rotten, and made sure I lacked nothing. I think he was trying to make up for all the hardships I suffered with my stepmom and aunt.

When I met my toxic boyfriend Chibuike, I was in my second year and he was a third year engineering student. I didn’t feel any butterflies, no sparks flew for me. All I know is he showed interest in me and I accepted because all my friends and roommates had boyfriends and I wanted one too, so I got myself one. I can’t even say we were good friends. 

It didn’t take long for me to realize Chibu was an opportunist and a pretender. Whenever he needed money or food from me, he was the sweetest. But all other times, he was dismissive and distant. I did my best to be kind to him, to show him I was worth an effort, all to no avail. He remained a jerk, and I stayed the fool and didn’t dispose of that leech. Any chance he got, my toxic boyfriend tried to put me down. He would make snide remarks about my body, and put me down every chance he got. I remember when I was selected for a television talk show about women in technology, this toxic boyfriend of mine told me I was selected because my classmates were dumb and not because I was smart.

And yet he practically lived in my dorm room and lived off me. My big brother knew about him, and would even sometimes have him run errands for him. When Chibu was dealing with my brother, he was the nicest, because whenever he sent money, my brother made sure to add a stipend for Chibu. And being the opportunist and manipulator that he was, Chibu knew how to play all his parts. His behavior towards others made me feel ashamed to open up about how horrible he was to me. And so that coupled with the fact that my self esteem was in the gutter kept me glued to my toxic boyfriend.

When I was in my third year and Chibu in the fourth, my brother sent both of us documents to try to secure visas to the UK. Mine was successful, Chibu’s was denied. Nearing our final exam when we were preparing to finish the semester, Chibu proposed something to me that sent chills down my spine.

He knew some people who dealt drugs. His brother was friends with them, and he could secure a package for me to take to the UK. At first I thought it was his usual empty bragging self. But as time went on I realized he was dead serious. I tried to resist but he pushed and pushed. Have I already told you this toxic boyfriend of mine was a master manipulator?

When I told him I couldn’t go through with it, he said, “I already approached these people and promised them, do you want them to kill me?”

He made it my fault, as if I sent him to go make drug trafficking arrangements for me. And in my stupidity, I stuck around.

We eventually met two guys at some bar one Friday night, and they decided since it was my first time, they would only give me a small amount of cocaine. They said it will be tightly packed and inserted into my privates like a tampon. They said if that went well, then they would do big business with me. I sat through that meeting like a deer caught in headlights, I was lost and shocked.

When we left I saw how proud of himself Chibu seemed. And it dawned on me how many zero fucks that bastard gave about my well being. I thought about all the hardships I had endured, and all the curses and negative predictions my step-mother had made about me. In that moment I remembered my resolve to prove my step-mother wrong. And I also thought of how my dear brother would be disappointed if I was ever caught. I resolved to break away from Chibu’s toxicity.

That night I gathered courage and called my brother, and told him everything. I told him about how emotionally abusive my toxic boyfriend had been to me, and I told of the drug smuggling. He asked me one question, “Why are you with such a monster?”

I couldn’t answer, but deep down, I knew it was because I wanted to be loved. To belong somewhere, to have someone want me, even if that person was toxic and abusive.

That weekend I didn’t hear or set eyes on Chibu the toxic soon to be ex boyfriend. I saw him in the middle of the following week. He was badly bruised and limping to the exam hall. And when he saw me approach, he quickened his step and totally ignored me. One of his friends said he had fallen into a gutter, but I doubted that story very much.

My brother later called to tell me he had had my toxic boyfriend taken care of by some area boys. And that he was sure he would never come close to me again. It was in that moment, while speaking with my brother that I realized that the whole time I was trying to buy love from Chibu, trying to bend over backwards for some affection, I was actually very loved. Loved deeply by a brother who was willing to protect and provide for me.

After the final exam I traveled to the Uk and Chibuike graduated. We didn’t stay in touch and I have no idea what happened with the drug arrangements.

Thank God for older siblings to love and protect, much like deputy parents.