My Love Story: Love Is A Healing Balm

Dufie is a burst of energy. There is never a dull moment with her. She is also the woman of my dreams. When I first met her I mistook her refusal to be boxed in by society’s norms and expectations for arrogance, I have come to appreciate that trait over the years, it has helped me move past the many blocks social conditioning had put in my path.

Misskorang, I may be getting carried away and digressing. Let me tell you how my wife and I brought to each other a healing balm.

The first day I saw my wife at the gym, I knew she was new, because if she had been in that gym before, I’d have noticed her. One of the gym attendants made an attempt to go help her and the friend she had come in with, but I stopped the attendant and made a beeline for the two women. I knew Amewusika, she was a regular at the gym and a really friendly person, it was the black beauty she had dragged in that I needed to know.

The first thing I asked Dufie was what her fitness goals were. Her response was, “To shut her up,” then she pointed to Amewusika or Sika as I called her. Then she proceeded to ignore me the entirety of her workout, after I had explained the equipments to her.

When I noticed she didn’t speak Ewe, I began interrogating Sika about her in Ewe. “What’s up with the cocky attitude of hers?” I asked.

“If you get to know her, she’s all soft and pink inside. That hard exterior is a wall she puts up for whatever reasons.” Sika told me.

“How did she get that killer body if she doesn’t like to work out?” I asked.

“Believe it or not she woke up like that. Was born like that. And so she takes it for granted like many other things that has been given her in life,” Sika replied.

On and on, we went discussing my Dufie, who was either really completely oblivious to what we were doing or intentionally chose to ignore us both. Everyday, when they came in, I’d greet them, and talk to Sika while Dufie pretended we both didn’t exist in that moment.

One day Dufie walked into the gym alone, Sika wasn’t with her. She wore dull yellow workout leggings and a black t-shirt she had tied in a knot at the back. The yellow sharply contrasted her rich melanin and made her skin glow. That day, I cursed the day, three years prior, when I’d sworn celibacy. I knew I was smitten.

I taught aerobics that day, Dufie attended the class and participated, after which she left without as much as a wave. For reasons I very well knew, I was so disappointed and angry at the same time. Why was she treating me like I was invisible?

I looked up the gym’s client registry and called Sika, “I didn’t see you today. What up?”

“You’re not calling because you didn’t see me. What did Dufie do?” she asked.

“Sika I like your friend, but she appears to detest me for some reason, why does she keep totally ignoring me like that?” I asked.

That was when Sika, friend amongst friends gave he the clue and the key. She said, “She is very guarded, and has a very skewed view of relationships and love. To her love is control and power, so she controls it, tries to get ahead of it before it hurts her. So if she’s avoiding interacting with you that hard, she is getting ahead of something before it gets to her.”

I wanted to know more, but Sika wouldn’t betray her friend’s trust. “You have to do your own homework,” she told me. And then added, “If you’re serious about her, take charge and control the dynamics of what kind of relationship yours would be, else if you let her, she will play you like a fiddle. And also if you hurt her, I’ll hire goons to beat you up.”

I chewed on what Sika said for days. And then begged her for more insight. I had to have that girl, but it appeared I needed a strategy. “Sika please help me, don’t tell me all her business, but tell me something that can make me understand her,” I pleaded one day at the gym.

“She uses, her beauty and her body to play men like puppets,” is all she added.

With all the intel I had, I knew if she was going to take me seriously, sex had to be out of the question. I had to uphold my pledge of celibacy and control myself. So when I took her to Sogakope, I summoned every iota of self control I had to keep it in my pants and not break my oath of celibacy. Dufie on the other hand, came to make me fall, because the clothes she wore!

The more time I spent with her and talked with her, the more convinced I became that something must have traumatized her in her formative years. It was that something that Sika had refused to discuss. I hoped against hope that I could get through to her, and then I did. The day she told me about how she formed her views on romantic relationships and relationships in general, I understood her behavior and also thanked God for the foundation we had formed that night.

When I led her into the ocean that night, I knew she wasn’t a swimmer, it was the perfect opportunity, in the dark, alone with her, in unpredictable waters, to show her it was okay to let another human carry her, love her, protect her, and bring a healing balm.

I remember asking her that night, “I want to lead you, can you accept that?” She nodded and said she’d try. I was the happiest man alive.

So how did we bring each other this healing balm?

Years before I met Dufie, I had stopped living and was merely existing. She brought the fun back to my life! There is never a dull moment with that woman. She challenges and pushes me in ways no one else has or can.

When we were setting the boundaries for our relationship, I told her from the onset I was celibate and would like to keep it that way. Her response was, “What does that mean for me, are you forcing me into celibacy too?”

It took a lot of convincing, compromising and help from Sika to get her to stop tempting me to ‘uncelibate’ as she put it. She introduced me to authors and literature I had never paid attention to. And then she took me to places to sample food, music, dance.

That is the healing balm she brought me. To live. To enjoy life. To take a break from work and self-blame and just appreciate life.

The healing balm I brought her was to point her to acknowledging her pain in healthy ways and healing them. I took her to therapy, and encouraged her to speak to her parents about how their relationship had affected her.

Barely a year after that night on the beach in Sogakope, I asked her to marry me. She said an enthusiastic yes. Her father vehemently objected on tribal grounds. Our families met to discuss and settle the issue when it became obvious Dufie and I were not going to break up.

Her father stated all his reasons for not wanting his only daughter to marry an Ewe. Chief amongst them was, “he did not want his grandchildren to speak a different language.”

Dufie looked him in the eye and calmly asked, “would you rather have grandchildren whose father takes them to make the rounds on his concubines?”

That was the day I knew the healing balm was working. She was confronting her demons and winning.

We married in an intimate ceremony on the same beach that broke down her walls. and spent our first night as married couples in the same hotel room she had invited me to spend the night months prior. She did leave me with a limp but I also left her with twin boys!

Misskorang write my story for me. Dufie isn’t fully aware of the role Sika played in me getting through to her. I want her to know now. We have a sister and godmother to our children in Sika, I want to acknowledge that, acknowledge her.

I want to tell my healing balm, Dufie, the wonder girl that her beautiful spirit and her love have given me life. And I am grateful.

Editor’s Note: Dear Mr. Mawuena, even though you wanted me to include full names and identifying attributes, I had to go against your wishes because of our site’s policies.

I know your wife will read this and feel all the feels. I am so happy for the love and healing balm you both found in each other. May all be well with you and your beautiful family.