Life Story: A Child In The Crosshairs Of Adult Drama

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I have a child in the crosshairs of the drama between my ex-girlfriend and myself. For my peace of mind, I am choosing to do my financial duty to my child but keep my distance. It is a hard decision, maybe even a bad one, but hear me out first.

It all started at level hundred in the university when I met Judy at a valentine’s day program and we became friends.Then after some months one thing led to another and we started dating. We enjoyed every bit of our relationship and I was willing to do anything for her. I changed my dreams to fit her goals because she told me her family only allows their daughters to marry very rich people and her elder sister’s bride price erected the three story building they currently live in. In that regard, she advised me to forget my dreams of becoming an evangelist and pursue a football career which I agreed to, in order to make her happy. I ended up living a life that I am still not proud of. She would bring alcoholic drinks to my hostel and we would both get drank and have sex throughout the day.

I cared so much for her that I was determined to make it work , to the detriment of my future goals and my relationship with God. It’s pathetic, because I knew she was also dating someone else. I was very young and naive until reality finally dawned on me when she came to me to break the news that she was pregnant.

Initially it was difficult for me because I knew she was with other men and we used protection each time we made love but I still accepted the pregnancy. I went home to inform my mum of the mess I had made out of my life. She was angry and disappointed that at the age of nineteen, I was already a father but she was still a mother so she decided to help me. She invited Judy home and told her she was willing to do everything to make sure our future was not jeopardized.

Judy’s family found out about the pregnancy soon enough. We were together in her hostel one day when they showed up and disgraced me mercilessly. They even dragged me to their house for further embarrassment. I loved her so it wasn’t really a problem to me and I was still determined to stand by her. I spent all the money I had to make her happy and comfortable and my mother also sent money periodically to support her. Her pregnancy was not easy, I always had to leave campus to go to town to get her chicken wings; I was always at her beck and call.

Judy understood me and appreciated everything I did for her but her family just could not let me be. They called me each day to insult me especially her mother and grandma and they made sure my life was miserable.

During vacation, my family and I went to Judy’s house to meet with her family to discuss the way forward. It was a long meeting with insults here and there to the extent that my mother was disrespected.

Her uncle asked me what I had to say and I told them I wanted to marry her and I was willing to do everything to take care of her and my unborn child. I still remember her mother’s response telling me I was not worthy of her daughter and she would never allow me to marry her daughter and that it will be over my dead body. And she went further to rain a lot of curses and insults on me and my family.

To cut it short my life was a living hell. I was sad and confused, I felt I was not even a human being and my self-esteem took a nosedive.

When school resumed Judy came back to school with the news that she did not want me in her life anymore. Then she disclosed to me that before she disclosed the news of the pregnancy to me she had already tried an abortion and one foetus came out so she thought the child was gone only for her to realize she was still pregnant because she was carrying twins. I begged her not to do that to me but she was determined to cut me off.

When she finally delivered I was not allowed to see the child. I begged her to let me see the child in the hospital, even if for a few minutes, she agreed. But afterwards I received a call from her mother to forget I had a child anywhere. I was young and powerless so I could not do anything but my mother went to the family to perform all needful things.

As and when I was able, I sent money to Judy and the child, and my mother also sent money, clothes and other things to them from time to time. But nothing was enough for the family. Her mother and the rest of her family continued to disrespect me even on my social media platforms. There was a time I posted a picture of the child I got from Judy on my Facebook account and it was followed by insults.

Throughout our stay in the university I did everything to please Judy but she was still not willing to give me a chance to be with her until I met Lillian. At that time my world had crumbled and I felt miserable but Lillian brought light back into my life. She convinced me to go back to pursue my dream of becoming an evangelist. She was a virgin and a church girl who placed God first in everything she did. I told her of my past and she was ready to help me through a repentance process and get me back on track. Honestly joy was brought back into my life but when everything began to work for me, Judy came back and asked me to come and ask for her hand in marriage again because she still loved me. And she demanded I let go of Lilian

At this point I was a happy man and didn’t want anything or anyone to destroy it but Judy was not willing to allow me to be. She called me one day, and when she realized I was with Lillian, she hung up. And she later told me that I made her angry and because of that she had sex with a man she met that evening, so the consequences of that sin will be on my head.

After school, she continued to do everything to frustrate my life and destroy my relationship with Lillian but I didn’t allow her. One day I received a call from her that she had a revelation from God that I got married and during delivery my wife died and left behind a beautiful baby girl. And that in her dream, she was the one who stepped in to raise my child. I was beyond livid when she told me that. I knew it wasn’t any dream but rather her own wishes for Lillian and I.

My mother and I continued to give her and her family the money they needed since they refused to allow me anywhere close to the child.

Lillian and I dated for three years and then went to different countries to preach the word of God for two years. When we returned in 2020, we got married, and a couple of months ago we were blessed with a beautiful baby girl.

Sadly, Judy also lost her mother and has now been pressuring me to come and see the child but I have also lost interest in them after seven years. My family and I have also decided to send money to Judy and the child monthly but due to Judy’s way of life, my wife doesn’t want her and the child anywhere close to us, a decision I agree with. I really wish the best for Judy and want her to be happy but my family comes first. I owe everything I am to my wife. She is my world and she accepted me when I was nobody. She is the love of my life and I will do everything to make her happy.

Am I doing the right thing?

MissKorang Says:

So I guess your question is, are you doing right by denying your (potentially) first daughter a relationship with her father?

Let me put this in perspective for you; think about it this way, you have a gun and you’ve aimed that gun, and your daughter is the target, she is in your gun’s crosshairs, and now you’re asking if you should take the shot and kill her? My answer is no. No. You are failing your daughter in ways you cannot begin to imagine.

You have to sit with your wife and figure out a healthy, safe way for you to be in your child’s life. But first, go and get a DNA test done to establish biological and legal paternity. And if that child is yours, I need you to rise up and raise your princess, love her, make her know she is worthy. A girl’s first love is her father.

Did you see the story of the woman whose father abandoned her to seek greener pastures, and she grew up trying to fill that void with sugar daddies? You have a mental, emotional and spiritual role to play in your child’s life, and you need to fulfill the responsibility. Don’t punish the child for you and Judy mistakes, she didn’t send you both to go do under-cover-thunder when you should have been studying.

And since you’re a preacher, you should know better. Please grow a backbone and get your wife to understand you owe that child her God-given right to a father. Because God will hold you accountable for that little girl regardless of what Judy did or didn’t do.

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