My family has a shameful family secret. And almost every older person in the family knows but does absolutely nothing! They lament and pretend to be bothered by it but turn around and enable it.
It was interesting to me to read your piece about finding yourself and the grace it took to forgive and heal. It was interesting to me indeed because unlike you, it wasn’t forgiveness that fueled my will to live and succeed, it was and still is revenge!
I was about eleven years old, in class five when my father started having sexual intercourse with me. I used to share a room with my younger brother and sister, and then one day, I was asked to move into the guest room, my parents told me I was too old to sleep with my sibling. I felt grown and special, little did I know. What I found curious is that, my mother cleaned and laid my bed in the guest room that day. And that night, my father paid me a visit I will never forget.
From that day, my life turned upside down and somersaulted over and over in ways you cannot begin to imagine.If I tell you this family secret has destroyed me, I do not exaggerate. I think my soul departed my body, because I became a shell. The abuse went on until I was almost twenty years old, when my father died. And to add insult to injury, I became my mother’s arch nemesis, I guess the pathetic weak fool saw me as a rival as opposed to child she was required to protect.
The sad thing is, I was conditioned to believe it was a normal father-daughter dance I was being made to dance. I thought all fathers did this painful, disgusting, gooey thing with their daughters.I thought it was so necessary and so sacred a thing that, I felt honored to be tasked with the all important responsibility of ensuring it remained a family secret.
That was until a middle aged teacher in our village was caught in an amorous relationship with his teenage student and was sentenced by the chief and elders to public flogging. My father was a respected elder of the chief’s council, and check this, he did the flogging. I was about fifteen and that was when it dawned on me that something was very wrong with my life.
By the end of junior secondary school (now junior high), I mustered courage and told my father’s sister. She was neither outraged nor surprised. She pointed me in the direction of my grandmother. My grandmother said it was my responsibility as a first born female, it was a sacrifice to the family shrine. Tradition. Turns out my paternal grandfather did it to my aunt, and the baton was on my lap now. Keep. Quiet.And.Suffer. And suffer I did. I coped by learning to zone out. Mathematics was and still is my saving grace. While his Despicableness hung on top of me and pleasured his twisted parental rights, I did mental calculus to get through my pain.
By my late teens, I was making so many bad decisions and had attempted suicide twice. I was once caught having sex with a boy in an uncompleted house. I stole. I lied. I lashed out. My family told everyone who would listen that I had a mental illness. Thankfully I still managed to do well in school. A few weeks after my nineteenth birthday, I got a UNESCO scholarship to study in Cyprus.
Before I departed, my father suffered a stroke. The day he died, I had been tasked by my dear mother to sit by his bedside and watch him. He asked for water, and when I realized what was about to happen, I took the cup of water by his bedside, and doused his pillow with it. The icing on the cake was my mother walked into the room and saw what I’d done. By the time she came back with another cup of water, his Despicableness was gone, he must be the thirstiest soul in hell. My mother and I did not speak for the next twenty six years. That is what family secrets do.
After my studies in Cyprus, I moved to Australia where I’ve stayed and tutored math. I was hoping to move to Ecuador, as far away from home as possible, but Australia does just fine. I am unmarried on purpose, intimacy is hard for me, and I don’t think I can be any sort of mother to anyone. I cut off all my family except my kid sister. No amount of therapy, and I’ve had my fair share, will change that.
I recently visited home to meet my sister’s first child and attend his naming ceremony. That is when I met my brother and his family. He has a teenage daughter, first born child. One look at how timid and depressed that girl looked told me all that I needed to know. My brother kept her under his thumb the entire ceremony, she wasn’t even allowed to play with other children.
When I pulled him to the side and confronted him, he denied it and called me crazy. “Get psychiatric help,” he said. So I gave him a cup of water and said, “call our grandfather’s shrine and pour this water on the ground, and deny you are not sleeping with your daughter,” he poured the libation in my face. Later he sent me a text saying, “If you start any mess and destroy my life, I will hang myself.” I don’t want him to hang himself, I want the law to hang him!
I want to help my niece, because I know from experience that no one will. They fear a stone shrine. How do I even begin to get her away from these fools, I have no concrete evidence. What baffles me is, unlike my mother and grandmother, my brother’s wife is educated and has a career. So I ask myself why? How? How did my grandfather manage to find a wife to aid and abet his foolishness? How did my dad convince my mom to allow him do me like that? And why is my brother’s wife allowing this to happen?
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My heart is broken all over again by this despicable family and the secret they’re so bent on protecting. The things going on in my mind are dark and brutal. I need a strategy, else, I may go to jail.
Help keep my stories free! Do you shop on AliExpress? Kindly Click here to support me. I am an AliExpress Associate so when you click my link and shop, I may earn a small commission at no cost to you. And that is how I keep my stories free.
At MissKorang we strive to bring you life stories that teach timeless life lessons and, some of those stories, like this one, are real life stories submitted by our readers and shared with their permission. Identifying attributes are edited out to protect our contributors’ privacy.Can you leave your thoughts with these kind people in the comments? If you want to send us your experience, email us at submissions@misskorang.com. Or submit using this anonymous form. Please do not reproduce any part of this content without permission from us. Our stories contain affiliate links. When you click and make a purchase, we may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.
At MissKorang we strive to bring you life stories that teach timeless life lessons and, some of those stories, like this one, are real life stories submitted by our readers and shared with their permission. Identifying attributes are edited out to protect our contributors’ privacy.Can you leave your thoughts with these kind people in the comments? If you want to send us your experience, email us at submissions@misskorang.com. Or submit using this anonymous form. Please do not reproduce any part of this content without permission from us. Our stories contain affiliate links. When you click and make a purchase, we may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.
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Oh my goodness. This was such a hard read ? Very sad that people are going through these kinds of things on a daily basis. Absolutely heartbreaking!?
It is unthinkable the abuse some parents put their children through.
Adwoa Danso, thank you for sharing this powerful story from your reader. I am heartbroken as I read your powerful story. I am sending my love and healing energy your way. Always remember to be strong and shine your light. Look into RAINN: Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network at 1-800-656-HOPE or rainn.org. I first became aware of this organization in the 1990s because my favorite musical artist when I was a teenager was Tori Amos. She was sexually assaulted and wrote a song called “Me and a Gun”. Soon after, she started RAINN after many of her followers had also experienced sexual assault and needed help. Her organization, RAINN, is still going strong!
Thank you so much Dana. I will forward RAINN to the reader who sent this in.
Such a heartbreaking story and what bravery for writing it and reaching out!
Oh yes. I applaud her bravery for exposing this so called family secret. And she is taking steps to rescue her niece and expose her brother. I am in awe of this woman’s strength.
This is heartbreaking. Why does the family feel the need to protect such a despicable secret? As a woman who knows what sexual abuse is, I am disgusted!