Teamwork And Collaboration In Marriage - How A Road Trip Gave Me Perspective

Over the first five years of our marriage he showed me management skills. He was all about teamwork and taught me to communicate instead of lashing out.

My husband communicates! I stress that because, the first few years of our marriage he had to live in the United States while I was in West Africa, going through a years-long visa processing period. But all those years we spent away from each other, he ensured we remained solid as two people working towards a common goal. Everyday he made at least three video calls, to check in, to give and get updates. He made sure we stayed on top of everything we each had going on as individuals and the things we had going on as a couple. He helped me peel back layers of distrust and fear of criticism and allowed me to safely share my fears and opinions. With the strong communication, we formed the connection that allowed us to understand each other and grow closer.

But old habits die hard. While my dear husband helped me peel back layers of my old self and find me, I still remained fearful of completely surrendering all my eggs in our marital basket. I still feared not having my own, not succeeding for myself, it was hard for me to trust him and trust the process. I feared losing my supposed grip on myself, I needed to be in control of me. Vulnerability was alien to me, so I kept it together, as perfect as possible. Teamwork and collaboration suffered. He on the other hand remained gracious and patient. Did I tell you I am married to the most patient dude on God’s blue and green earth?

One of the hardest decisions of my life has been to choose between chasing career goals and choosing to commit to mothering my children full-time. I required a huge mental shift to accept my new role as a stay home mom. Every now and again, I’d let myself get into anxious and unnecessary thoughts of how I was fully dependent on another human that isn’t me and panic. I was well aware of the need to collaborate as a team but I didn’t seem to have a good grasp of the concept. That is until our family had to drive to Wyoming from Colorado.

How Teamwork and Collaboration on the road gave my a very important aha moment.

The city I lived in before migrating to the United States with my family, you drove for five minutes and stopped for two, at speeds of 45mph at most. I know how to drive in heavy traffic but driving at top speed on a highway with four children for four hours was very alien to me.

“Why can’t you let someone else drive your office truck so you can drive with us in the van?” I asked my husband.
“There’s no one. All my team mates are already there,” he replied.
“I am nervous about driving by myself with the kids,” I finally admitted.
“It’s the same way you drive around town. Just follow the road signs, stay in your lane, and I will be right there ahead of you. You will be fine,” he assured me.

And right ahead of me he was, a white truck with a logo I had come to be so familiar with over the past two years. As we drove through Denver, on the I-25, it was comforting to look out and find him, my husband, my friend, father of my four children, there ahead of us. Among the numerous vehicles on the road that day, I could see this white truck and know he was looking out for the gray van with his family in it. So many things struck me that day, who knew inspiration and clarity could come from something as mundane as a road trip?

Here are some things I learned:

Commitment: Trust is the foundation of a good marriage, and trust is founded on commitment. To be able to have great teamwork and collaboration, teammates have to commit to the work that needs doing and the desired outcome. On our trip, Isaac was committed to leading us to our destination and I was committed to getting there safely. So I drove behind him and he made sure to stay within my sight as he led and I followed, both of us headed in one direction in two cars.

Communication: Show me team members who don’t communicate and I will show you a team in trouble. Before the trip, I communicated my fear and Isaac communicated his confidence in me. On the road, he rolled down his window and made hand gestures. When I was too slow and signaled me to speed up. When I was cruising in the speed lane, he signaled me to move over, I could almost hear him say, “Don’t get overconfident now honey, get in the middle lane.” Now I must confess I got a tad bit annoyed at the frequent gesturing but it was good to have him communicate and keep me alert and aware. Feedback may not always feel good to hear, but for teamwork and collaboration to be effective, we have to be willing to listen and make the needed adjustments.

Coordination: For a team to reach a common goal without much tension and conflict, efforts have to be coordinated. To me coordination is is finding ways to utilize each teammate’s abilities and talents for the common good. It means aligning roles so that team members do not work against each other. Even though I had put in the address to our destination in our GPS, I still looked to make sure Isaac had had signaled to exit when the map said I should exit. If he didn’t, I ignored the map and followed my husband instead. Curiously as I did that, the map readjusted.

Consideration: A lack of consideration is total, utter selfishness and selfish teammates undermine teamwork and collaboration. A lack of consideration can create mistrust, hurt, and kill morale. It is necessary for teammates to show consideration for their partner’s feelings, interests, needs, desires, and preferences. Isaac was well aware that where the road winded and curved, it made me uncomfortable so I needed to slow down and concentrate really hard. And so his hand gestured reduced drastically in those places. I remember on a particular winding stretch on the mountains in Wyoming, he called and said, “I know it’s a weak spot for you but where the road stretches out straight, try and speed up so you can get away from those trucks.” Consideration. Understanding. Patience. Kindness. Validation and concern. I loved it!

Clarity: With clarity, each team member has a clear idea of what the goal is. Without clarity, teammates might as well be headless chicken, flailing, wandering in circles , lost. I read something interesting the other day, it said, if you aim at nothing, you’ll probably hit it. Whew! Every team needs clarity, purpose, and a goal. Isaac clearly communicated where in Wyoming we were going and why: he had to go to Laramie and commission wind turbines, the project was supposed to last through the holidays, and he wanted his family there with him. He wanted us to be together in the evenings when he closed from work. And so even though we drove in different cars, we went in the same direction and ended up in the same destination. Vision and dreams give clarity, energize, motivate and give hope. When you are clear, you’re hardly swayed or discouraged. Why because you know where you need to go and what you need to do to get there.

Our team effort helped get us there.

And so we made it to Laramie, Wy. Our team work and efforts paid off. It was a pleasure to see our children giddy with excitement, as they bounced up and down in the hotel room, at the fact that they were in a new place and were about to experience new things. They exuded so much joy as only children could.

That night when all was said and done, I lay on my bed and reflected on the day and events on the road. My husband had led and I had followed. We had committed to the journey, we communicated, we had coordinated our efforts, there had been considerations made, and we had been clear where we needed to drive to and why. There had been no ambiguity, no miscommunication, no judgement or selfishness anywhere on that journey. And by doing all of that, here we were, together as a family, contented.

One more thing struck me, I had trusted my teammate and followed his leadership. We had been a collaborative team. And yet, I had stayed in the gray van, been at the wheel, and stepped on the pedal or brake as necessary. I had been in control of the van and still followed the leader and played my part. I didn’t lose my identity, and I didn’t feel small at all. I felt great contentment. Aha!

With a conscious effort among team members to, successful teamwork and collaboration is possible. And it is beautiful.