Dear MissKorang,
I have something to get off my chest. I am angry, and frustrated. And I am asking you a question but also basically venting! I did everything right! I toed the line, I obeyed the rules. The straight and narrow was my path of choice. And yet I lost, I am still losing. What should I have done differently?
My father died before I was born, so all I’ve known in a parent has been my mother. Mother did everything she could to help my sister and I thrive and get out of the poverty we were born into. She did all kinds of menial jobs; going from hose to house to wash clothes, cleaning houses, fetching water for builders to use in mixing their concrete. And any fruit that came in season, she sold; oranges, mangoes, guavas, watermelons.
Mom tried for my sister and I. And she pushed us as best as she could to make sure we got a good education. Mama was a strict, no nonsense woman, she disciplined my sister and I very well. But nothing she did, no amount of trying could get my sister to appreciate Mama’s efforts and act right.
My sister, she is six years older than me. And she is the most irreverent person I know. Growing up, I could see our Mama’s struggles, and so I did my best to conform and listen to Mama’s advice. I did what I knew I was supposed to do, anything to make our poor mother’s life easier. But my big sister, not so much. If there was a rule she flouted it. She did whatever she wanted, went and came however she wanted, especially in her late teens. My sister is one of the most intelligent people I know, but she was just comfortable being mediocre with her studies. I remember her once telling me, ” I am okay being average, being the best means nothing to me.”
Mom always told me if I listened and toed the straight and narrow, that I will make it big. So I listened to her, studied hard, made good choices and looked forward to a great life. I id everything right, I toed the line just the way i was told.
Big sister on the other hand, did whatever the hell she felt like and broke our mom’s heart over and over again. She argued with my mother every single day, from when she was in primary school till she left home after graduation the university. There was a time she was brought home by a shopkeeper from whose shop she had shoplifted. My mother was once called to a neighbor’s house because Bibi was caught having sex with the neighbor’s nephew in the family’s living room. I lost count the number of boyfriends Bibi had between her late teens and early thirties. And at least I counted four abortions. In fact Bibi is married to a doctor she went to get an abortion from.
Despite studying hard, going to church, praying fervently and living a clean life, my life is not good, I am struggling! I cannot for the life of me find a great job despite graduating university with a first class. I married a virgin, but I am now divorced due to my husband’s abuse and infidelity. The car I drive is a hand-me-down from Bibi. If not for my sister and mother, I would struggle to sometimes to feed my two children three meals a day. I am thirty years old and I just don’t see change in sight.
And yet Bibi the numbskull is coasting along on a great life. She is married to the gentlest soul alive, they travel around the world like nobody’s business. She has a great banking career, beautiful children and a life full of color! And Oh by the way she is still obnoxious and irreverent! It baffles me how patient and gentle her husband is, how he serves, protects and professes his love to her. It’s like my sister is benefiting from all the good choices she never made!
MissKorang, I am not jealous of my sister. I love her, I am in awe of her. But I am angry at my life. Angry at God. What is this? Must I die before I reap the benefits of serving God and doing everything right? I did everything right, and yet I am losing. My life is bitter. Why?
MissKorang says:
I cannot tell you why your life is going the way it is. But what I can tell you is this; if wishes were horses, beggars would ride. You did not tell me one blessing you have in your life. All I heard were comparisons and how your expectations haven’t fruited. Perhaps start counting your blessings?
And also, dare I suggest your unhappiness is largely due to the comparison and competition you have set up in your head with your sister? What I have come to learn in this life is that grace supersedes hard and/or smart work. And God has said He will show mercy to whom he will show mercy.
Let your sister live her great life and focus on your own. Because comparison will steal your joy!
I wish you the best. May you find some peace!
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At MissKorang we strive to bring you life stories that teach timeless life lessons and, some of those stories, like this one, are real life stories submitted by our readers and shared with their permission. Identifying attributes are edited out to protect our contributors’ privacy.Can you leave your thoughts with these kind people in the comments? If you want to send us your experience, email us at submissions@misskorang.com. Or submit using this anonymous form. Please do not reproduce any part of this content without permission from us. Our stories contain affiliate links. When you click and make a purchase, we may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.
At MissKorang we strive to bring you life stories that teach timeless life lessons and, some of those stories, like this one, are real life stories submitted by our readers and shared with their permission. Identifying attributes are edited out to protect our contributors’ privacy.Can you leave your thoughts with these kind people in the comments? If you want to send us your experience, email us at submissions@misskorang.com. Or submit using this anonymous form. Please do not reproduce any part of this content without permission from us. Our stories contain affiliate links. When you click and make a purchase, we may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.
Exactly what you said,focus on your life my dear. It is not of him that willet, nor of him that runneth but it’s God that showeth mercy!
Be thankful and put on the jacket of gratitude pray for God’s mercy and He will rain it down on you. No comparison again! And stop relying on your strength